Thursday, April 8, 2010

Stay Beautiful!

It's not always easy to do the right thing or to be who you feel that you are. But if you've been changing and sacrificing you to be accepted and loved by someone else just remember these famous words: "I would rather be hated for who I am than loved for who I'm not." When you start to live this message all the other shit just falls to the waste side. Stay beautiful!!!

Friday, January 22, 2010

10 Breakup Depression Tips

No matter what anybody tells you, life is a big, flat out mess when you're dealing with a breakup. Every song playing on the radio is a boyfriend breakup song or a breakup girlfriend song. Every couple that you witness holding hands or kissing makes you dog mad. Your friends aren't helpful either because all they want you to do is get over it so everybody can just go back to having fun.

But, oddly, things are different for you. The smell of nature isn't the same and the sky has lost its luminous appeal. You feel heavy and worn out by life's ups and downs when it comes to love and you're at a loss of where to turn or what to do. Secretly, you make a pack with yourself to never be so stupid as to fall in love again.

Sadly, you continue on going throughout your days on automatic pilot feeling very sorry for yourself. You don't know the first thing about how to deal with a breakup or much less, how to get over someone. In the past when you've found yourself in this situation, you never reasoned your way out or tried a different approach. You just decided that that was the end and now you stand having lost more than you gain.

And to make matters worse, you sat around every chance you had and replayed that breakup line s/he fed you, over and over again in your head. How it wasn't that s/he didn't love you, but how s/he couldn't be with someone the family wouldn't approve of. You just don't understand why it is that your partner can't see why love between two people shouldn't be held prisoner by what others think.

You may feel that your partner will eventually come to see that your love is worth keeping but until that happens, what do you do in the meantime to ease the emotional pain that you're under? If you are depressed over a recent breakup and desperately need a release, implement these 10 breakup depression tips for immediate effect.

1. Do not text or call your ex
2. Make friends outside of your inner circle if they are also friends of your ex
3. Start making plans for your future
4. Take a vacation with friends or family
5. Begin a new hobby like indoor racquetball, darts, swimming, etc...
6. Start journaling so that you can have a place to express your inner thoughts
7. Let go of any resentment or anger you may feel towards your ex
8. If you see your ex, behave as if you have moved on with your life
9. Stop acting like a victim
10. Forgive yourself

Now keep in mind that by following these tips you may be summoning your ex to come back. The beauty about this plan of action is not only does it help you by getting you to own your power but it also puts you in a position of power. You are no longer at the beck and call of someone else. Instead, you choose your direction.

Felecia Townsend is a relationship enthusiast and personal coach. She has spent years learning the art of successful relationships and through her philanthropic writing is giving back to the community that has given her so much.

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Wednesday, December 30, 2009

Domestic Violence in Gay & Lesbian Relationships

Domestic violence in gay and in lesbian relationships in the GBLT (Gay, Transgender, Lesbian, Transvestite) community is just as prevalent as in straight relationships, but the victims are less likely to report the violence because they feel they will be judged by their sexual orientation. Another challenge in the GBLT community is that those in positions of authority, such as the police, judges, and prosecutors, may not be as eager to help a gay person versus someone who is straight. All of this puts much pressure on the victim to seek help and to get the services he or she needs.

The first thing the victim needs to do is recognize the abuse and violence for what it is. He or she must trust that leaving their partner will better their life, but that there will be short-term pain. He or she must face their fears which could stem from a fear of additional injury, lack of money, lack of resources or social pressure to stay with that partner.

Victims should find a few friends for support or go to an organized support group because these support groups will be crucial when the abuser become angry when the victim leaves. Organized support groups can be found within churches, community groups and service providers such as legal, health and counseling centers. Hotlines such as the National Domestic Violence Hotline (1-800-799-SAFE) can provide immediate support 24/7.

What is abuse?

Abuse is a pattern of controlling behavior used against another person. Abuse can include sexual violence, emotional abuse or intimidation, property/economic abuse and stalking.

Tips on Safety Planning for Domestic Violence

Tell Others. If you are being abused, you need to let your closest friends, neighbors and co-workers know about your situation. Confiding is doubly hard for gays and lesbians, so only confide in those who completely support you.

Beware of Personal Technology. Be sure you use computers, email accounts and telephones your partner doesn't have access to and you might be safer using the computers in the public library. Don't change your computer patterns because your abuser might suspect something is off if you delete your cookie history or if you erase your files. Texting is not the best way to tell your friends about your abuse; instead, call the National Domestic Violence Hotline.

Put Together Your Emergency Bag. Gather your extra car keys, checkbooks, medicine, and important papers and give all of these valuables to a trusted friend so you may find your cache when you do leave the relationship

Know Your Dangers. If you want to leave your abusive relationship, know that the violence may increase. Go a relationship counselor and go over your escape plan with them so they can plot out your best route and give you support on where to stay next.

Go the Legal Route. Even if you have been intimidated by police in the past, go seek criminal charges against this person. At the very least, you can file in a civil court and receive a restraining/protective order which can even evict the victim.

For the GBLT community reporting abuse is a challenge, but partnering with the straight domestic violence community will build resources, awareness and action. It will also give confidence to the victims because they'll encounter people who have left their abusers and have survived to tell their story.

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Tuesday, December 1, 2009

Do You Really Know Who You're Dealing With

Sometimes in relationships you are quick to blame yourself for why it is your partner is mean or unfaithful to you. For those of you who are obsessive caretakers, you are quick to accept others faults and unfortunately their responsibilities. However, not everyone you might be dating or are in love with is fit to be with you. Sometimes other peoples issues go real deep and require much more than your love and acceptance. It might be that they're in need of professional help as well.