Law of attraction practitioners know the way to attract new romance is to love themselves the way they want to be loved by another. Loving yourself creates a vibrational match for receiving love from the outside. It's a simple matter of giving yourself that which you desire from another.
But what if you've already got a partner in life who isn't "being all that he can be"? Or maybe your dream come true bride devolved into a shrew over time? Can law of attraction help you change someone or improve an existing relationship?
Many deliberate creation experts say you can't change another person, even with the voodoo power of your mind, because you can't create on another's behalf. Which is true - we can't control what someone else wants, nor what they attract in life. Manipulating another into change isn't likely to be successful.
That doesn't mean we can't use the practice of deliberate creation to dramatically alter the nature and experience of our relationships. Check this out:
You're Already Doing It
You're already using your energetic power of influence to affect those around you. This isn't something you need to be aware of before you do it - you already are. In every moment you send out a vibration that affects others.
Dr. George S. Pransky, author of "The Relationship Handbook," says the Heisenberg Uncertainty Principle can be applied to human relations. (That's the principle that states observing something changes it.) "Your state of mind alters the behavior of people around you." Pransky says the way people act around us depends on whether we bring out the best or worst in others, which is driven by whether we harbor positive or negative thoughts about them.
Most of us aren't aware that our thoughts, feelings and energy alter others. That doesn't mean it's not happening.
For example, recall a time you met up with someone who was in a dramatically good or bad mood. After just a few minutes you may have noticed your mood shifting, right? It's not that you were changed, it's that being in their field brought forth similar feelings from within you. This is "entrainment" in human relationship.
We feel the effects of our commingled energy, whether we're conscious of it or not. As quoted earlier, Pransky says, "People are like magnets, either attracting or repelling each other. As your level of goodwill rises, people become ever more cooperative."
So you already influence others according to the energy you flow. When you learn to use that power for good, instead of letting it run by default, you can dramatically improve your relationships - even if you're the only one doing it.
What Do You Know?
The first obstacle many of us run into when using the power of our thoughts and feelings to alter relationships is what we already "know" about our significant other.
When I "know" my boyfriend is insecure, unreasonable or inconsiderate, I create him as such. By having this knowing of him, I elicit those traits from him.
Conversely, when I alter my knowing I allow him - in fact energetically evoke from him - new traits, behaviors and ways of being.
In order for that to happen, though, I must relinquish my unsupportive beliefs about who and how he is. You've heard the saying that people live up to and down to our expectations? It's because our expectations are energetic invitations.
Many believe this is how Jesus healed the sick; by looking past their disease and seeing them only as complete, whole and healthy. He brought forth their perfect health from within.
So, if we see our partner as a frog, he is a frog (at least for us). If we see him as a prince, we create the space for him to leave his frog self behind and become a prince.
Putting It to Practice
How can you use deliberate creation techniques to improve the relationship with your partner? From a law of attraction perspective you start by making peace with what is (since resistance to current circumstances only reinforces more of the same) and then release your knowing (and irritation) of "how they are."
Embrace a new knowing (i.e. belief, understanding, expectation) of him or her. Find feelings of compassion and love for them. Imagine how you'd like them to be. Imagine the appreciation you'll feel when you see changes. Maybe you can recall a time when they were this way.
That will help you flow uplifted energy, which will call forth new ways of being from them. If there's any part of them matched up with what you're flowing, they'll deliver. It's not that you're controlling or manipulating; rather you're just purposefully using your power of influence.
It's interesting to note that because we can only experience what we're a vibrational match to, others reflect what we ourselves vibrate. What you see "out there" is what you're flowing within. Which means our partners show us where our work is.
It's helpful to cultivate the practice of giving ourselves what we want from others. Instead of expecting our spouse to change so we can be happy, as author Byron Katie might say, "If you think it's so easy to make you happy, you do it."
As you cultivate your own happiness, you attract people, circumstances and opportunities that will create more reasons to be happy.
The bottom line, as author Esther Hicks (channeling Abraham in "The Astonishing Power of Emotions") says, "Nothing brings out the worst in another faster than your focusing upon it. Nothing brings out the best in another faster than your focusing upon it."
We get what we look for, so look for the best in those close to you, and you'll both be well rewarded.
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