Sunday, January 4, 2009

Why Men Are Hurting and Nobody Knows It

I’m as guilty as the next woman of complaining about why men act as they do and do the things that they do. I’m often quick to blame them for hurting women and children, for being the takers of life in a certain twisted way because they can’t give birth to life.

Usually I will draw on the facts and the statistics of crime via domestic abuse, rape, incest, assault, and murder to highlight the obvious facts that men all around the world have some real psychological wounds that are not being addressed and are very much in need of healing.

What I fell to mention during my own times of anger and self righteousness is that these same men are products of their environment and many of them have seen and experienced abuse that I can’t even imagine. Believing that all men are bad is like saying that all gays are sick, or that all black people are ignorant, and all women are weak.

There are people in every part of the world, in all types of families and backgrounds who have been damaged emotionally, psychologically, physically, and or spiritually. And men just like women make up a huge percentage of that abuse.

However, we live in a society that gives men this god-like status where they are told that they need to be protector, provider, authoritarian, enforcer, and ruler of all that is within their domain. And to make matters worse we expect and demand them to be completely intact, aware of some ability that we, as women, don’t possess and in addition take everyone in their family with them to this illusive pinnacle of freedom and happiness.

I still hear women telling their little boys that “boys don’t cry.” That couldn’t be further from the truth and I believe it’s a kind of psychological abuse that if repeated over time can teach a young man to be detached from his feelings and unable to process his own emotions through a healthy medium.

And as adult women we complain about how the men in our lives are emotionally distant and not able to communicate with us on certain emotional levels. Women, just like most men, fail to see the link between how little boys and men are conditioned, to how this conditioning goes on to harm not only them but is a huge factor in the failure of many of their personal relationships with women.

I’m reminding you of the fact that men, too, hurt and have emotions similar to women, only theirs are kept locked down unless they have been fortunate enough to have seen beyond the lies surrounding them about what it means to be male. This is not done in an attempt to excuse any wrong behavior that they do because at some point in their lives they must take responsibility for their own emotional, physical, psychological, and spiritual health.
They can start to heal the wounds through meditation, reading appropriate literature, counseling, forgiveness, and by letting go of who the outside world tells them they must be.

The internet is full of women and men looking to connect. Perhaps you are one of those women looking for the perfect guy, your soul mate, or just a friend. If so keep in mind that there is no perfect guy and that perception isn’t necessarily reality.

Some men are still hurting and have yet to find healing while others have moved beyond the emotional pain of their past to a freer and more spiritually mature self. Who you attract will depend on your own emotional state so, before you look for somebody to hook-up with, heal thyself.

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