Recently I saw an episode of the Oprah show about why men cheat. Her guest had written a book explaining the reasons why some men cheat, how many (based on his study) had cheated, and whether or not their wives knew or would ever know.
The statistics were shocking to many women, I'm sure. I had anticipated that the number of married men who cheated was higher than most expected so I was not surprised to learn that 1 in 3 men will cheat.
Nor was I surprised to hear that 55% say they wouldn't tell their wives or that most women will never ever know that their husbands not only broke their oath to them but continues the lie and the deception years after.
The reasons why these husbands chose to cheat range from reasons of insecurity, not getting enough attention from their wives, feeling lonely, powerless, or feeling like a loser. Ninety-two percent of these men the author studied said that they had cheated because they had felt some emotional disconnection.
This should come as no surprise to you. Men, as I've often stated, were once little boys. And those little boys were discouraged from embracing their emotional self. They were taught that little boys don't cry. That they should be strong and tough no matter what. This type of conditioning is further encouraged by our society and culture as a whole.
And what happens as a result of this type of conditioning is that we end of with a culture of men who don't know how to express their emotions. And if they do choose to express them they will do so through violence, sex, or some other type of aggressive behavior like sports because these have come to be acceptable forms for them.
If your husband or boyfriend blames you for his cheating, which is also a common theme amongst cheaters, it's because he has yet to own responsibility for his own behavior. When a man, or woman, does something so unbelievably cruel and abusive to someone they claim to love, you can bet that their thinking needs reconstructing.
What I really hear when I hear these men complain that they didn't get this or that or that you weren't this or that, I hear them saying that everything and everybody else, such as the man who blamed his secretary for coming onto him, is the reason why they are a failure.
But again what can you expect when you're dealing with an individual who has no clue about their own emotional state. These men are not connected to their own emotional state which is why 92% complained of this disconnect. And they will continue to look without for this void to be filled until they learn that healing will only come from within.