Tuesday, October 7, 2008

Breakups...How To Gracefully Break-up With A Lover?

How to gracefully break-up with a lover is serious business. It's an event that must be thought through, planned, and executed with delicate care. Usually, we assume that the person initiating the break-up is somehow left undisturbed and intact. This is not necessarily the case. I suspect that there are just as many break-ups by those who can't get out fast enough as there are those who really do care, love, and feel great affection for their lover but due to other circumstances, feel it necessary to exit.

So, how do you do it? How do you break another persons heart? The person that you have shared your innermost thoughts with... the ugly and not so ugly parts of your body... the person who you may have once or twice utter the words, "I love you," to? How do you say to someone who really wants to be with you, I don't won't to be with you anymore? How do you say to the person who is probably looking at you right now, I'm just not that into you anymore? How do you lessen the sound effects of, I'm over you - done with you - through with you - can't wait to get away from you, to something that is much more pleasing in tone and much more graceful in intent? Truthfully, there are as many ways as there are people. However, I'll share three with you at this moment.

1. Be honest

Sounds simple to many but unfortunately too many people are not only dishonest but have no sense of self. So, honesty to them may mean telling someone to get lost because s/he always had bad breath and could never match up to someone else. That, my friend, is not honesty. That is stupidity and ignorance, and immaturity. But it goes on all the time when relationships end. We feel justified in telling one another the "real" truth that we've kept hidden because we didn't want to hurt their feelings, as if breaking-up was a prerequisite for hurt feelings. If you want to be honest, with grace, during a break-up, you will ask for forgiveness for all the ways in which you let that person down. You will be honest about your intention, rather good or bad and will take personal responsibility for your actions alone, while at the same time, refusing to cast blame or shame their way.

2. Prepare

If you know that next Tuesday you are going to break-up with your lover, do not have sex with them for just one last time, the week or even night before. Do not plan to break-up if you are at a party, out to dinner, enjoying cocktails together on your grandma's back porch. Do not plan a break-up while doing the things you loved to do together, like going to movies, bowling, grilling out, fishing, dancing. Come on people! Be thoughtful... choose to be graceful. Plan the day before hand. Either write an email or physical letter that you can give them after the conversation but not before hand, unless you are unfortunately involved with an abusive person. Remember, talk only about your part, where you failed, couldn't settle things within yourself, need more personal discovery, whatever... just do not blame or shame the other person, no matter how tempting it is. If you do, grace has just left the place. If you need any help with preparing a break-up, I'll leave you with this tip. The two of you should be alone(if neither of you are volatile), sober, well fed, not tired, not presently angry and you, the one who is initiating the break-up, should remain humble and kind, not arrogant or judgmental. My favorite break-up spot is at the kitchen table, in the middle of the day, sometime after lunch but well before dinner and cocktails.

3. Be Serious

You may be asking yourself what I mean by being serious. Well, allow me to answer that for you right now. Have you ever had someone break your heart and in the midst of "we're just not right for one another" they immediately make a job? And not just a joke but a very bad joke. And you know why it's such a bad joke? Because it's not funny, not now... not ever!!!! I think you get my point.

Good luck for those who are about to break-up with someone, those who are about to get their hearts broken, and even those fools who claim to have no heart. Breaking up isn't easy. In fact, it can be a messy business if you don't learn how to do it gracefully. I hope this free information is helpful to you and that you will pass this knowledge along because the world is full of hurt and lonely people, who just want to be loved and cared for.

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