Thursday, February 5, 2009

Why Your Mate is A Cheater – Part Three

In this article we will explore an even more obvious reason why your mate is a cheater. It seems that in addition to having a lack of integrity and being completely selfish, your mate might also be suffering from a low self-esteem.

Now don’t go thinking that every person who isn’t completely 100% confident is likely to have an affair. If that were the case there would be more cheaters than we could keep count. What differentiates a cheater’s low self-esteem issues from that of someone else with a low self-esteem is that a cheater will distract, use, deny, hide, harm, and rationalize his or her behavior as an appropriate and normal response to his self-esteem issues.

The person who chooses to use a sexual affair or commit infidelity for the sake of feeling better about one self has a much deeper problem. The man who lies to his girlfriend or wife about being solely committed to her but then gallivants around behind her back because he is needy is a man with a low to no self-esteem.

The cheater with little to no self-esteem knows everything about taking but very little, if anything, about giving. Hopefully, the good natured women and men who love these cheaters will accept that their partners have adopted not only a lifestyle pattern for masking discomfort but also one that puts them at risk.

And until they begin to actively work towards building a healthier self awareness, there is very little you can do to get them to change. Cheating is like an addiction, it feels good while you’re doing it but when it’s over, the mess is bigger than the fun, much bigger.

And I don’t care if you are no fun or if your husband complains that you are the world’s biggest nagger. Nothing you can ever do will ever cause another to do anything. People respond in relationships, to their partners and life events the way they choose to respond and not because you ignored them, chose to have less sex, or couldn’t help them.

If you’re in a relationship or marriage with a cheater who has given you every reason under the sun to stay with him despite his behavior and you choose to, then that is your choice and in the end it will still always be your choice.

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